Commitment: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future. This word causes many to cringe and others to enter a state of euphoria. It is one of those words that seems to be a hot topic in any relationship and everyone is interested in just how 'committed' one is. A man, who will remain nameless, once told me that it was no mere coincidence that getting engaged was being committed, and that same word is used in describing consignment into an asylum!
I am the youngest of my family, so it is reasonable that my three older siblings would be married before me. However, what has seemed to have cause more consternation, particularly in females, is that I have been in a relationship with one person, Gretchen, for close to seven years without any signs of moving forward. (other than staying with her, which I have always claimed and believed was a sufficient showing of progression) Regardless, the looks I have received from the general public indicate the belief that I have a fear of commitment. My rebuttal, because my original argument that simply staying with a person is a sign of commitment is rarely sufficient for anyone, is that I was in school and had no desire to be taking classes, working and plan a wedding all at once. In vain I tried to assure those concerned that I would indeed take the necessary steps when the time was appropriate. "When I am finished with school..." I must have said those each time a person found out about my relationship. I had often thought about creating a business card, "7 years: when out of school I will take the next step!".
Why do you care and what does any of this have to do with my travels?
Gretchen will be traveling with me to whatever destination the COST program sends me. While we are there, we have hopes that she will be able to get a part time job to both help with the cost as well as give her something to do. In order to do any of this is to get her a work visa. Here in lies the problem: upon discussion with my professor, Dr. Cushner, and through various governmental websites, I have found out that countries are not as freely giving work visas out as one might expect. As with any governmental enterprise, the processes is long and arduous. My visa is not so difficult as I am working with the COST program. The good news is that countries are much more amiable towards the idea of Gretchen receiving the desired visas if there was some show of commitment (that's the word they used)...
You've got to be kidding me, that word! I'm sure they have their reasons, but seriously?
And now...the rest of the story...
Recently, I asked Gretchen to join me in the lifelong journey (and commitment) of marriage. I am taking the plunge, tying the knot, getting hitched, et cetera. Actually, if you are into that sort of thing, I recommend reading the origin of these phrases, very interesting. Ok, back on topic.
I know what you may be thinking, and I assure you this is not the case. Some may think the ONLY reason I have done this was to help with the visa situation and you could not be further from the truth. This was simply a way to include an important part of of my life here without deviating fully from the theme. I am a man of my word, and I have always said that I was fully committed to Gretchen and I would happily move forward once I was done with classes. We are planning on getting married next May, so that fulfills my need to wait. Although some details may deviate between my version and Gretchen's version of the story, here is how it happened from my perspective:
It was a normal day and I had nothing spectacular planned as I wanted her to be totally surprised the moment I asked. We went out to a driving range to hit golf balls and we returned to my house. At that point, I mentioned going out on the boat. When we arrived at the boat, Gretchen mentioned that it was getting close to dinner time and perhaps we should simply wait until after dinner and invite my parents to go with us on the boat...
The truth is I had no good reason to demand a boat ride at that moment and without the parents other than the one with which I wanted to surprise her. So, sweating profusely, we hung out by the water chatting and played around. Gretchen had gotten these bubble sticks that produced bubbles and created a certain ambiance. I decided that the time was right and so I proceeded into what I had planned. At this point, I was incredibly nervous, and I can only tell you what my plan was, I do not know how well I executed the words and it was such a surreal and exciting moment that both of us have trouble recalling exactly what was said.
I asked her what she like most about our relationship and she gave me an odd look, but then proceeded to answer. I believe she was saying something about us feeling comfortable with each other and being able to be ourselves, but my mind was not really focused on her words. I know I fail to listen at times, but I think this is one time she will forgive. Anyway, at some point I interjected with what may have seemed abrupt with an "Oh, that's cool" or "Yeah, I agree". Then I continued with a quote which I am sure I butchered.
You should not marry someone because you could live with them for the rest of your life, you should marry someone because they are the one person whom you cannot imagine living without.
I knelt to one knee and asked her, "Gretchen, will you marry me?"
Now, I cannot remember which form of the affirmative she chose to use, but was an excited affirmative. We hugged and went and sat on the boat and talked for a while enjoying the moment that will never come again. Sharing the moment as the only people aware of the monumental change that just occurred.
I am the youngest of my family, so it is reasonable that my three older siblings would be married before me. However, what has seemed to have cause more consternation, particularly in females, is that I have been in a relationship with one person, Gretchen, for close to seven years without any signs of moving forward. (other than staying with her, which I have always claimed and believed was a sufficient showing of progression) Regardless, the looks I have received from the general public indicate the belief that I have a fear of commitment. My rebuttal, because my original argument that simply staying with a person is a sign of commitment is rarely sufficient for anyone, is that I was in school and had no desire to be taking classes, working and plan a wedding all at once. In vain I tried to assure those concerned that I would indeed take the necessary steps when the time was appropriate. "When I am finished with school..." I must have said those each time a person found out about my relationship. I had often thought about creating a business card, "7 years: when out of school I will take the next step!".
Why do you care and what does any of this have to do with my travels?
Gretchen will be traveling with me to whatever destination the COST program sends me. While we are there, we have hopes that she will be able to get a part time job to both help with the cost as well as give her something to do. In order to do any of this is to get her a work visa. Here in lies the problem: upon discussion with my professor, Dr. Cushner, and through various governmental websites, I have found out that countries are not as freely giving work visas out as one might expect. As with any governmental enterprise, the processes is long and arduous. My visa is not so difficult as I am working with the COST program. The good news is that countries are much more amiable towards the idea of Gretchen receiving the desired visas if there was some show of commitment (that's the word they used)...
You've got to be kidding me, that word! I'm sure they have their reasons, but seriously?
And now...the rest of the story...
Recently, I asked Gretchen to join me in the lifelong journey (and commitment) of marriage. I am taking the plunge, tying the knot, getting hitched, et cetera. Actually, if you are into that sort of thing, I recommend reading the origin of these phrases, very interesting. Ok, back on topic.
I know what you may be thinking, and I assure you this is not the case. Some may think the ONLY reason I have done this was to help with the visa situation and you could not be further from the truth. This was simply a way to include an important part of of my life here without deviating fully from the theme. I am a man of my word, and I have always said that I was fully committed to Gretchen and I would happily move forward once I was done with classes. We are planning on getting married next May, so that fulfills my need to wait. Although some details may deviate between my version and Gretchen's version of the story, here is how it happened from my perspective:
It was a normal day and I had nothing spectacular planned as I wanted her to be totally surprised the moment I asked. We went out to a driving range to hit golf balls and we returned to my house. At that point, I mentioned going out on the boat. When we arrived at the boat, Gretchen mentioned that it was getting close to dinner time and perhaps we should simply wait until after dinner and invite my parents to go with us on the boat...
The truth is I had no good reason to demand a boat ride at that moment and without the parents other than the one with which I wanted to surprise her. So, sweating profusely, we hung out by the water chatting and played around. Gretchen had gotten these bubble sticks that produced bubbles and created a certain ambiance. I decided that the time was right and so I proceeded into what I had planned. At this point, I was incredibly nervous, and I can only tell you what my plan was, I do not know how well I executed the words and it was such a surreal and exciting moment that both of us have trouble recalling exactly what was said.
I asked her what she like most about our relationship and she gave me an odd look, but then proceeded to answer. I believe she was saying something about us feeling comfortable with each other and being able to be ourselves, but my mind was not really focused on her words. I know I fail to listen at times, but I think this is one time she will forgive. Anyway, at some point I interjected with what may have seemed abrupt with an "Oh, that's cool" or "Yeah, I agree". Then I continued with a quote which I am sure I butchered.
You should not marry someone because you could live with them for the rest of your life, you should marry someone because they are the one person whom you cannot imagine living without.
I knelt to one knee and asked her, "Gretchen, will you marry me?"
Now, I cannot remember which form of the affirmative she chose to use, but was an excited affirmative. We hugged and went and sat on the boat and talked for a while enjoying the moment that will never come again. Sharing the moment as the only people aware of the monumental change that just occurred.
"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities."
- Janos Arnay
- Janos Arnay
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